


Flames

by TheSmallestStar



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:56:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2536700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSmallestStar/pseuds/TheSmallestStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re going to be fine,” the face says, and it’s a quiet voice, quiet and low and soothing. “You’re going to be just fine soon enough.” And your brain registers that that’s good, if the face knows you’re going to be fine then so are Danny and Roly and your parents, because you couldn’t be fine if they weren’t and the face has promised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flames

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - I don't own Criminal Minds

It’s so hot. There’s a horrible sound, a horrible smell of burning. You wake up to Danny shaking your arm and shouting. You struggle out of the pile of pillows and blankets you’ve nested in and Danny’s forcing you to stay low to the ground, tying a shirt firmly around your face.

You’re trying to scream, but he’s clamping his hand over your mouth and yelling about saving energy.

Danny pulls you out of the room and into the living room. Roly’s there, with your parents, and they all have shirts over their mouths too. Your dad is yelling something, but you can’t hear what. It’s too loud, with the fire and the screaming inside your head.

Then Danny’s hands are on your face, his green eyes are piercing through the fog that the smoke has brought. “Don’t you dare give up on me, _dousha_ ,” his voice says in your ear, and it gives you enough strength to focus a little and follow Roly and your dad towards the front door. You’re on your hands and knees. You’re nails are painted pink.

When your dad gets there, he tries the handle. Everything is blurring now, the fire is closing in, the smoke is consuming your house and your life. Your dad can’t get the handle to move. He collapses as he tries, and your mum screams and tries to open it too.

Danny and Roly are next to you, flanking you, and they’re talking, but you can’t focus on what they’re saying. Then Roly is hoisting you up, your arm around his shoulders, and you can feel his legs shaking and so you try to take some of your weight, but the smoke is overwhelming you, and you can barely see, and it’s too hot.

There’s a thump, and then a smash, and then you see Danny fall. Roly yells and half-throws you towards the opening – Danny’s used the statue on the table to smash the window open. Roly’s fallen down next to Danny, and their eyes are open and they’re talking, using their finger-language, but when you go to be with them Danny says “Don’t you dare, _dousha_ , you get out of here,” in the weakest voice you’ve ever heard. Roly presses something into your hand and you clutch onto it and then you’re not sure what happens, but the air is shockingly cold and you’re falling.

Then strong arms are lifting you up and the ground is spinning, the world is spinning, and it’s all too much and the blackness comes.

When you wake up the next time, it’s too bright. That’s what you notice first, and then there’s the beeping, piercing through your head, and then there’s the pain. When the pain comes, you can’t believe you’re still alive, not when it hurts this much.

Then there are faces, but they’re not normal, all you can see is their eyes and you’re screaming, screaming for it to end, screaming for Danny and Roly, screaming, screaming. The faces don’t change, and then everything _(mercifully)_ goes fuzzy and then black.

Everything stays black for a long time, and you’re floating, and it’s nice because here you can’t think, can’t think about the pain or Danny or Roly or anything. But then the pain comes back, and it’s forcing you towards the light, but you don’t want to go to the light because the light is a world full of pain.

Your eyes open and the faces aren’t there.

It’s only a few minutes before one appears, though, and the eyes are kind and a hand is brushed through your hair. How are you feeling, it asks, and you can barely say hurts but you do anyway, throat scratchy and dry and painful.

That’s when you notice that there are tubes in your nose and tubes in your arms and tubes in your chest and that means you’re in hospital.

“You’re going to be fine,” the face says, and it’s a quiet voice, quiet and low and soothing. “You’re going to be just fine soon enough.” And your brain registers that that’s good, if the face knows you’re going to be fine then so are Danny and Roly and your parents, because you couldn’t be fine if they weren’t and the face has promised.

“Sleep,” the face says, and you do.

The next time you wake up, there’s no one there, and the pain is still there but it’s a bit better now, you can ignore it if you really try. The face comes back then, and it’s got a box in it’s hand, which is white and gloved.

This is for you, it says, and you smile a little _(the world seems strange, different)_ and even give a giggle. Then you realise that only one hand is responding when you tell it to move, and so you look down and one whole side of your body is red and brown and looks like an alien _(there was that alien book Danny and Roly read to you when you were small, with the alien called Yoyo, and they both did funny voices)._ You look at the face, which says “You’re going to be just fine,”, and so you take the box with your working hand.

Your nails are still pink, you notice.

When you open the box, there are two things there. You lift them out, and see that they are the two of the bracelets Danny and Roly bought when you were born, they’re the two that belong to Danny and Roly. All of the bracelets fit together to make a star, and Danny always goes on about how hard they were to find, because everyone wants hearts for two people, not a star for three.

The two thirds of the star in your hand are slightly out of shape, and they’ve got black spots on them. That doesn’t make sense, because Danny and Roly always keep theirs shiny and perfect.

“Not mine,” you croak at the face. The eyes crinkle a bit.

“The fireman found them in your hand,” it says gently, sitting down next to you. “He made sure to give them to me.”

“Not mine,” you repeat again. “Danny’s, Roly’s.” The eyes crinkle even more.

“Has…don’t…honey, your brothers didn’t make it.” The words don’t make sense. Of course Danny and Roly ‘made it’. They are full of life, it bursts out of them and lights up everything around them. Danny got you out. Danny smashed the window. They were right behind you. The face is still talking, but you aren’t listening, because it’s lying. Your parents are alive. Danny and Roly are definitely alive. And any second they’re going to burst through the door and start ribbing you about your pink nails and they’ll be calling you dousha the way no one else is allowed to.

The face is gently turning your wrist over and attaching the bracelets, and you let it. Then it leaves, and you stare at the ceiling, waiting for Danny and Roly.

You wait, and wait, and wait. Then suddenly, the world blurs and is black.

The next time you wake up, there are two faces. But they are normal faces, nice faces, with mouths and noses, and you decide that you like them already. Normal faces means that the world is going back to normal, which means Danny and Roly will be here any minute.

“Emily, can you hear me?” one of the people asks in a deep voice. Deep and he sounds like your old music teacher.

You try to remember his name, but it slips through your fingers.

“Emily?” You turn your eyes to the man and nod a little. He looks familiar but you can’t remember how. “Emily, my name is Aaron Hotchner, and I’m with the FBI.” Suddenly you remember.

Two people at the door with FBI badges. You had answered the bell in your old jeans and Roly’s old baggy hoodie, careful with your nails because you were painting them sparkly pink with the new varnish you had bought. Once you were done you were going to annoy Danny until he let you do his too.

They introduced themselves as SSA Hotchner and Agent Prentiss, and asked if they could please speak to your parents. You yelled for your dad, he’s in the study, you said, and you wanted to say, is there anything that I could help you with, but you’re only 13 and you’re awkward and shy with strangers.

SSA Aaron Hotchner and Agent Emily Prentiss, sir, they say, brushing past you, and their voices fade to murmurs in the living room.

They were asking about any new people around, about the car fires and the black van Mrs Radley swears she saw. You eavesdropped, Danny and Roly flanking you, until your dad called, Emily, can you please get us some tea.

You went into the kitchen and made six cups of tea and took them out two at a time, two for the agents (Agent Prentiss smiled nicely but Agent Hotchner ignored you completely), one for Dad, two for the twins (they smiled and Danny ruffled your hair. You batted his hand away and glared, even though you secretly love it) and one for you. You sat in the armchair in the corner of the living room, sipping the tea and waiting for your nails to dry.

Then Danny and Roly burst in and you barely had time to put your tea down before they’d hoisted you up and run out of the room. Roly had you safe in his strong arms and Danny was laughing madly.

There was a pink smudge on Roly’s cheek from your not-quite-dry nails.

You could hear your dad apologising to the agents about the commotion through the door that the twins left open, but by then it was boring, the agents weren’t very interesting and Danny and Roly were being your evil kidnappers, mwa-ha-ha-ha, and in the end you had to fight them off with the toilet plunger, and then you all collapsed into the pillow fort that you had made in the playroom earlier.

Whenever Danny and Roly’s friends come over, they act like they’re too good to play with their little sister, five years younger than them and half their size, but when you’re alone they’re your best friends, your most trusted confidantes, your energy, your life.

The agents are sitting at the side of your bed, and you’ve been awake long enough that the beeping is just an annoying background sound.

“Emily, are you alright to answer a few questions?” Agent Hotchner asks.

“Yeah,” you croak, only to find out that your throat is feeling better and talking isn’t nearly so hard.

You’re going to be fine, the face promised, and normalcy is returning, and Danny and Roly will be here soon.

They ask about that night. What did you do, what was out of the ordinary, what time did this happen, what time did that happen. You go from when they left, from the pillow fort with Danny and Roly, and say everything you can remember, which is everything up to going to sleep, nested in pillows and blankets on the floor of Danny and Roly’s room and then just heat and panic.

Everything had seemed so normal before you went to bed.

When you’re finished, they nod, and thank you, and Agent Hotchner leaves a card on the table and tells you to call. Just as they’re about to leave, you realise that these people will know more than the faces.

“When are Danny and Roly coming?” you say, and all the talking has made your throat hurt.

They both freeze, and Agent Prentiss looks at Agent Hotchner before leaning forwards and taking your hand that still moves.

“Emily, you’re the only one who made it out,” she says, and her voice has gone soft and quiet.

You pull your hand away and slam it down on the bed. “Why does everyone keep _lying_ to me?” you try to shout, but it comes out quieter than you meant.

There’s silence for a few seconds. You’re fighting back tears, because all you want is for the door to burst open and Danny and Roly to swirl in like the hurricane they are.

Fire can’t put out hurricanes. Hurricanes are too strong, too powerful, too full of life.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Agent Hotchner says.

A wordless cry breaks out from you, and Agent Prentiss takes your hand again and you let her. You cry and cry, and Agent Prentiss rubs circles on the back of your hand. You cry until there are no more tears left in your body.

Everything blurs.

When you open your eyes, the agents are gone. The faces are back. You don’t care. You stare at the wall, and the voices are meaningless murmurs, and the beeping is monotonous, and you don’t move or talk or think until everything blurs again.

When you open your eyes again, the faces are still there. You don’t care. You don’t care about anything anymore. The face lied when it said that you were going to be just fine. You can’t be just fine if there is such a large part of you missing. _(Your mum always said that Danny and Roly and you were three parts of one whole.)_

Time loses its meaning, and the pain goes down and down, but you don’t move, you don’t speak, you don’t care. A counsellor comes, but you don’t look at her, don’t listen to her. You don’t care.

The faces start using different words, start saying things like “If she doesn’t start fighting soon then we’re going to lose her,”, like “It’s as though she’s already gone.” You don’t care. You don’t move. You don’t talk.

Then there’s a knock at the door, and the faces don’t knock. It opens and Agent Prentiss comes in, but someone else is with her. A man with dark skin and a kind smile. It’s not enough. But you cant help hoping. Maybe they made a mistake last time. Maybe they lied.

“Hey, Emily,” Agent Prentiss says, and you don’t know how long it’s been since she came last but there are circles under her eyes and she looks worried. You don’t answer. “This is Derek Morgan, a friend of mine.” Derek Morgan sits next to you. So does Agent Prentiss.

You don’t care.

They ask you a few questions. You don’t know the answers. Its about your mum, about people she knew and places she went, and you don’t know any of it.

They put some pictures in front of you, ask if you recognise any of them. One is your old nanny’s boyfriend. He used to come over with her, and you’d play tricks on him with Danny and Roly. None of you liked him. The rest are strangers.

You point at him. You don’t talk. You don’t care.

They leave soon after. Derek Morgan looks upset. You don’t know why. You don’t move. You don’t talk. You don’t care.

-

You’re in a wheelchair that leans back and you’re not allowed to walk. The faces take you out to the front of the hospital. Your chair is put into a large car. The driver is friendly and chatty, but you don’t reply. You don’t talk. You don’t care.

The car takes you to a house. It looks like yours did. There’s a woman there, with blue hair and a kind smile. She calls herself Kathy and takes you into a room that’s decorated in pink. There’s a desk and a pinboard and a bed.

“I’ll leave you to get settled in,” she says, and the door shuts and she leaves.

Even though the faces told you not to, you get out of the wheelchair and pull yourself onto the bed. It hurts and you nearly cry out, but you don’t.

You lie on your good side and stare at the wall and tears roll down your face.

This is your life now.

Kathy comes back later and asks if you’d like some dinner. You don’t reply. She leaves after a few minutes.

This is your life now.

The next morning, Kathy brings you a slice of toast and butter and sits there until you force it down. She smiles and runs a hand through your hair and leaves. You stay on the bed. It has a pink bedspread with white threads.

Your nails are still sparkly pink. You stare at them. Sparkly pink nails.

You stare at the wall and start to cry again. You miss your parents. But you really miss Danny and Roly. They were your best friends, your idols, your everything. You left them in the house. You can’t remember it very well, the night with the fire, but you’re alive and they’re not. You should have died instead. Without them you are lonely and cold and empty.

This is your life now.

-

The next day, Kathy comes and lifts you into the chair and takes you to the car. When you get out it’s at a therapy session. The lady who talks to you is called Imogen and she smiles and says that she likes your nails.

After you’ve sat there for two hours without saying a word, Kathy comes and picks you up. You go back to the pink room and lie on the bed.

Later, after Kathy comes in and turns the light off, you decide that you need to talk to Agent Prentiss and Agent Hotchner and Derek Morgan. You don’t even know why. But you haul yourself off the bed and into the chair, and you use the controls on the arm to go out of the front door.

You’re not sure where they’ll be, but the police station seems a good place to start.

When you get there, a man rushes over and asks if you are alright. You nod impatiently and keep going. Then you see Agent Prentiss. She’s on the phone at a desk, and so you go over to her. She slams the phone down and asks if you are okay, Emily, what are you doing here?

You notice the picture of your old nanny’s boyfriend on the desk. You point at it.

“Did he do it?” you ask, and it’s the first time you’ve spoken since. Agent Prentiss looks at the picture for a second and nods.

“We think so,” she says.

“I never liked him,” you reply, and she nods, and sits down.

“Do you know where he might be?” she asks, and you think for a second.

“At their house?” you suggest, and Agent Prentiss brings up a picture of your old nanny on the computer.

“You mean with her?” she asks, and you nod.

“Greta, my old nanny. They were together. They had a house.” Agent Prentiss shakes her head. “Well – he had a hiding place in the wood?” He had taken you there once, you and Danny and Roly, and you had slept there and it had been a lot of fun. He hadn’t stayed. Roly always said that the only reason he showed it to you was because he wanted to spend the night with Greta alone.

Before you know it, you’re showing them where the hiding place is. You’re not allowed to go into it, but you wait with Agent Hotchner while Derek Morgan goes into the little hut with another agent. They come out with him in handcuffs and you want to kill him, but you don’t. Agent Hotchner smiles and says thank you, Emily, we’d never have found him without you.

-

When you get back to the station, Kathy’s there, and she’s hysterical. When she sees you she deflates as though someone’s pricked a balloon, and Agent Prentiss takes you into a little room with a sofa and some fake flowers. You can see Kathy through the blinds that cover the window.

“Emily, I know you’re hurting,” she says gently, and you look at her, properly look at her, and you can tell that she actually does know, that she’s not just saying that. “I know how close you were to your brothers. But they’d want you to live, you know. I saw them when we came to visit. They’’d want you to keep going.”

You’re silent for a long time, remembering, and you know that Agent Prentiss is right. They’d want to you live even more because they were gone, they’d want you to live enough for all three of them. _(Most people don’t live, Emily. Most people just exist for some time until they die. You can remember Danny saying that one day, when he had got his drivers license and had taken you and Roly out to the field. He had parked the car and you had all sat on the hood, looking at the stars for hours.)_

“But they’re gone,” you say, and that’s the catch. You could live enough for all three of them, but only if they were at your side.

“Not necessarily,” Agent Prentiss says, and she catches your wrist and shows you the bracelets. Three parts of one star. All three parts are slightly blackened and warped from the heat of the fire that stole your brothers. _(My star kids, your mum always said. My three star kids lighting up the night.)_ “They can live in you.”

You go back to the pink room with Kathy. She hugs you gently and touches your bracelets, and then leaves you alone.

Using the controls on the arm, you go around the room properly for the first time, really looking at it. When you get to the desk, you find a notepad and a pencil.

You pick them up and go over to the bed. Positioning yourself so that you can write, you begin.

_Dear Danny and Roly._

You miss your brothers. You write them letters and when you’re done, you hug your pillow and cry for ages. When you’ve cried all your tears, you find a laptop under the bed and turn it on. You watch Harry Potter like you always did with them on a Saturday. Your nails are still painted sparkly pink. They aren't even chipped.


End file.
